January 15, 2014 by alunparry
Why I Couldn’t Get Out Of Bed This Morning
I couldn’t get out of bed this morning.
Well, that’s not true. I could. I had the ability to. I just didn’t want to. I had no motivation. My mojo was low low.
It’s not the first time it’s happened, but I tend to reflect on these feelings more these days, and that leads me to find out what is behind the feeling.
I realised that my day was unappealing.
This is a familiar cycle for me. I start off with all sorts of wonderful energising ideas about the work I want to do – then I find that what I’m actually doing is admin. Boring boring admin.
So instead of running fun workshops, I’ve a list of people to contact to see if they’d like me to run some fun workshops.
Instead of making films, I’ve a list of people to contact who might like a film.
Instead of performing gigs, I’ve a list of addresses to gather for festivals so I can then print off promo sheets, and put them in envelopes, and write the envelopes and go to the post office.
Yay! My great creative life has transformed itself into phone calls, emails and going to the post office.
This isn’t what I want to do.
I want to write music, record music, make films, create cartoons, write a new show, write a talk, develop fun workshops.
This is what I WANT to do. But I find instead that I’m telling myself: yes you can do that, but only AFTER you’ve done this.
I know that I’m already half way through January and my diary is already getting clogged up, and “after I’ve done this” doesn’t seem to have a date on it, because once I’ve done this, it will result in more similar stuff to do.
Then I’ll have to do that. And before I know it, the year will have passed and my exciting energising ideas are just empty unfulfilled dreams that I’ll feel a failure about not having done.
So I have a bit of a strange thought in my mind. It might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever thought. Or it might be utter genius.
That thought is: stop selling, promoting and emailing.
Or, to be a bit practical, only spend 20% of my time doing that.
The rest – create relentlessly. And share relentlessly.
So 80% of the time that I’m currently spending on admin and emails and phone calls and meetings and promo kits and printers and envelopes and more emails – create instead.
Blog, write songs, record songs, draw cartoons, and share share share. Let my work be my promo.
The thing is, if I spend the next 3 months doing admin and selling to try to get permission to do what I want, I still might not get to do what I want.
But I can do what I want right now. With nobody’s permission but my own.
So I’m going to look again at my to do list and bin 80% of it.
I’m going to do what I love and truly care about, and have faith that the world will find some value in what I do and so call me to do it more.
So that’s my rule. 80% creation and passion. 20% on admin and finding people to share my work with.
It might mean I’ll go bust. But I’ll go bust being me, and creating, and enjoying myself.
Or I’ll succeed being me. One or the other.
I could still go bust doing the admin after all.
And I’ll measure my success by the way I get out of bed in the morning. Once I reach the point where I just can’t wait, then I’ll know I’ve got it right.